Writing is my passion. It is my purpose. In what capacity? Who knows. But I know the part where I'm motivating people, telling a compelling story, or using my infamous powers of description to knock someones mental socks clean off - I got that part. What I wonder is what is holding me back from completing anything? Why dont I write every night? Why do I, instead of working on a new project ( which takes like 2 minutes of browsing on the internet to inspire an hour worth of typing and planning for something I'm close-to-tears-excited about) choose cartoons and a good convo that ends in sleep-talking and dead phone batteries? I am full of ideas. And fully equipped to write them!
I think what is stopping me is the fact that sometimes I feel like that cliche rapper. In the streets of Harlem. Child of a single parent, who had to work 3 jobs and Blah Blah Blah, same old same old. Basically there are times when I feel like EVERYone is a black writer trying to break out of the box of sex novels and thug/pimp stories. I get on the Internet and immediately feel like there are 8 of every book idea I've come up with, and my market is already flooded with either great bestsellers or wannabees who never make anything more than a fool of themselves. I doubt my creativity at times. Sometimes I dont feel unique or sparkly... I feel much like the pink scented resume of the 90s, now drowing in the pile of 40 other smelly purple polka dotted biography-style repertoires.. Like being black and unique is so 2002. lol
I'm trying to find what is uniquely me. Under the heap of exaggerated negatives that bounce around in my mind from time to time, I realize that prayer, a quick re-read of my own work or a glowing review usually snaps me back into my confidence mode. But the reason it dips into "cant-do-it land" is because I do not have good work habits when it comes to my own things. I can work my buns off when it comes to work, or other people's ventures... but if there is no one who will be on me but ME? I aint doin it. lol I put it off, I procrastinate, I make excuses... I just plain old hide from the thing I claim to love the most! This has got to change!
How many new years resolutions have to fail before one really acheives a goal? I'd say ONE. Because one thing I DID learn from 2011 is, its not the failure that motivates me toward greatness or accomplishment - its finding a way AROUND my failures that lights my fire. Figuring out a way to use my strengths to short circuit the short comings before they get a chance to ruin my plans. In this case, I am a strong "minute writer". I write in short bursts. Perhaps I could do a collection of short stories, or commit to a certain short time every week. Maybe a time that gives me enough time to pique my own interest (re-read something or surf the net) and start writing, but much too short to want to stop. ( Like blogging at work in the 10 minutes I have before I walk out the door!)
I"m SO trying this! lol Wish me luck!
I think what is stopping me is the fact that sometimes I feel like that cliche rapper. In the streets of Harlem. Child of a single parent, who had to work 3 jobs and Blah Blah Blah, same old same old. Basically there are times when I feel like EVERYone is a black writer trying to break out of the box of sex novels and thug/pimp stories. I get on the Internet and immediately feel like there are 8 of every book idea I've come up with, and my market is already flooded with either great bestsellers or wannabees who never make anything more than a fool of themselves. I doubt my creativity at times. Sometimes I dont feel unique or sparkly... I feel much like the pink scented resume of the 90s, now drowing in the pile of 40 other smelly purple polka dotted biography-style repertoires.. Like being black and unique is so 2002. lol
I'm trying to find what is uniquely me. Under the heap of exaggerated negatives that bounce around in my mind from time to time, I realize that prayer, a quick re-read of my own work or a glowing review usually snaps me back into my confidence mode. But the reason it dips into "cant-do-it land" is because I do not have good work habits when it comes to my own things. I can work my buns off when it comes to work, or other people's ventures... but if there is no one who will be on me but ME? I aint doin it. lol I put it off, I procrastinate, I make excuses... I just plain old hide from the thing I claim to love the most! This has got to change!
How many new years resolutions have to fail before one really acheives a goal? I'd say ONE. Because one thing I DID learn from 2011 is, its not the failure that motivates me toward greatness or accomplishment - its finding a way AROUND my failures that lights my fire. Figuring out a way to use my strengths to short circuit the short comings before they get a chance to ruin my plans. In this case, I am a strong "minute writer". I write in short bursts. Perhaps I could do a collection of short stories, or commit to a certain short time every week. Maybe a time that gives me enough time to pique my own interest (re-read something or surf the net) and start writing, but much too short to want to stop. ( Like blogging at work in the 10 minutes I have before I walk out the door!)
I"m SO trying this! lol Wish me luck!
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