Boobies!

OK so I'm totally using that headline to grab attention - but it IS sort of about boobies. I've been reading about a different type of liposuction/augmentation surgery called Fat Grafting. They take fat from somewhere else, and put it where you want it! Like if I wanted new boobs, but wanted them to be real instead of worrying about the risks and pitfalls of implants. YAY! Its pretty awesome - the link that I put there:
http://www.drfinzi.com/Procedures/FatTransfer is a place in Maryland where I'm thinking I may get a consultation! Hmmmm....

Kickass

I am loving the confidence that Muay Thai is giving me! I can throw a real jab, cross, hook and upper cut punches, Kick with my shins and bounce around like I'm really doing something! lol I've never hit anyone for real in my whole life... well not with this kind of accuracy and purpose! I'm really proud of me and its only been a few classes. Hooray for hobbies I actually followed up on! Now lets see if I can do it for a month! Baby steps...

"Some beginnings start so quietly you dont even notice they are happening. - CDunlap

Nervousness and Self Esteem Issues are all present and accounted for, thank you very much.

Ok so... I feel like its time that I stop procrastinating, and time that I start getting back on my writing game. Its getting ridiculous. I do have the time. I have from 7 am to 9 am every morning, and I know, I shouldnt try to push myself to create habits I'll hate, or wont keep... so maybe the mornings not the greatest. But it seems like it could be so much fun to make myself a cup of chai tea, and sit outside ( given its a nice morning), or sit in my living room and write. It could be fun. It really could. I'd feel so artsy... Maybe if I make it a once a week thing, and start slow.. maybe I can make getting up ealier a real habit. Jeez thats scary. Embarking on a new me. One that likes mornings... and meets deadlines... ooooohhh.

Another thing is I need a writing schedule. Like times where I'm supposed to be writing on certain projects. Maybe then I could build up to getting into odesk or elance... I'm growing.

Today I was feeling really un-confident. I dont want the bathing suit I fell so hard for, because I dont think it will look good on me. I was hating myself for how I get lost every damn where, and how I cant ever just drive somewhere without being anxious about getting lost or calling JAson for directions. I have a Magellan for crap's sake. Not to mention a blackberry with gps. Then I go to try on a suit that I saw online at Target and I find out my tummy is just not gonna behave in any suit I pick. That was a bummer too.

On the flip side, I found I at least look decent in a skirted suit, preferably one with ruffles looks at least flattering on me. I thought that with my body type, (Athletic, petite, curvy bottom, small top [mommy tummy :( ]) I would look better with a high cut thigh. Not so. The skirty ruffle bottom is much better. And a halter top is good for my athletic arms and shoulders, and small bust. So the KCole suit looks like its gonna be the prototype or the winner. I'm looking for something in an earthy color, white, tan, burnt orange or olive, to really bring out my skin tone.

Thinking of things that compliment me, and let me be the best ME I can be, really brought me full circle. I began to think of what I'm really trying to accomplish in life, the little things like feeling good about my appearance, and the huge things, like writing and getting somewhere and having the confidence to try. I need to stop comparing myself with others, and love me for who I am - and be greatful I'm already paired up with my match so I dont HAVE to care too much about sex appeal. ( Even tho its fun to have a little every now and then). I need to focus on the assets I have.
- I've lost the weight and kept it off, going from 140 to a steady 126-7.
- I've published at least 8 articles!!
- I've pitched Essence!!
- I have two healthy, beautiful kids.
- My husband loves me, for real!
- I'm embarking on a friendship where, at age 27, for the first time I think I might be able say the "BF" word. :O
- We make a good living, my hub and I. We are truly blessed.
- I got my "own office" before I was 27, my goal was 30! I work from home!

I've got more, I wont bore you. But I'm working on this theme. Its a constant job. Loving oneself.

Skinny Bitch Speaks (Losing the Weight Game, cont'd)

So like I said, I'm in the "Biggest Loser" contest at my job. Now, honestly, I'm so sick of the sideways looks and the teeth sucking when I say I want to lose weight. YES. I'm relatively small. Compared to some. YES. My target weight is my high school weight. Compleletly impossible for some. YES I'm only frickin 27. Ok 26. But seriously? All the side comments need to go. I'm so sick of hearing how I "dont need to lose any" "will disappear if I lose any" "should get out of the race because its unfair" All that -- ZIP it. I bore and birthed 2 children over 9lbs each. PLEASE mind your business. I'm so sick of people that dont know me, asking am I pregnant because I am small everywhere but my tummy, so I've decided to lose the baby weight and be HEALTHY. Why are you hating?? I am NOT as skinny as you think. I AGONIZE over my clothes, doing every trick in the book and making up some to make me look thin, but only because I endure TORTURE and embarrassment of people always ASKING "Are you preganant? When are you due? Aww How many months?" People are at least curteous to bigger women and wont say anything. Us "Skinny bitches" have feelings too, and its HARD to get back to being and staying "skinny". Especially when you're a mom. And you know what else? It's not fair being a small person and having to endure all kinds of ridicule when you gain an ounce or two extra every now and then!! Like you're under a microscope! And what about us Mommies who have all that extra flab that we have been told BY THE DOCTOR it has to be surgically removed? Like the extra skin you see on Extreme Makeover?? Yea. Raising my hand because I'm sure. I know how those people feel. You did the work and lost the weight, and almost look worse. And dont be on the IBT committee with flab!!At least big women have something up top to camoflauge that tummy! ARGGG!!
*SIGH* I cant wait to get my tummy tuck. Then, at least I will be at peace with myself and what I have to look at in the mirror everyday.

Ok, I'm off my Dove Box.

Former Skinny Bitch Treasurer, Lifetime Member of the ITBC

Losing the Weight Game

Soo... I'm eating cold leftover pizza like a fat chick on a diet. Papa johns garlic is gooooooooood. I'm literally dipping this cold ass pizza into the tiny little garlic cup. SOPPING IT. yessir. I was so encouraged last week, when I noticed I lost almost 9lbs. I was looking good in my shirts, not having to suck it in.... and then this week... UGH. I'm only up 1 (sometimes 2) pounds from last week, but I HATE it. I look pregnant. It's really depressing, seeing as nothing has changed from this week to last. I've been eating the damn Special K, doing the stairs at the metro, crunching out hundreds of push ups.... but I admit, I binge. CRAP I AM STARVING!! LOL I"m laughing now, but it's really not funny! Like, I used to get angry when people that are just overweight for no reason, and the only thing wrong with them is they cant stop eating so much. Because I've always been in shape and fit and eating right, my whole life, I'm like "Put that doughnut down and run a mile or too sometimes DANG. Stop whining!" Now... I still wish my only problem was food, because I CANT get rid of my tummy by just being healthy, but now that I"ve seen the difference between 5lbs lighter and now? I"m like yea, I can eat a little less to help myself along.

But about this diet, I really feel like I'm not being healthy. I'm not talking about with the pizza right now...

*waves pizza in the air, doing the wop* When I say "Screw this" you say "DIET"
"Screw this" "diet"!! "Screw this" "diet"!!

Sorry. No I'm talking about when I'm just eating the special K for breakfast and lunch, and then a normal dinner. I'm hungry ALLL DAY. I feel like I'm starving myself and all I think about is food! I have snacks in the house, but I used to rarely ever touch them. NOW... I'm eating in secret, stuffing my face whenever I can, eating when I"m full, just eating all the daggone time. It's gross. Anyone else have this problem?



Well, I'm off. I'm about to go home. I always think of my best blogs and am at my most clear and peaceful, when the building is empty and I should be gone home 10 minutes ago. Oh well. **Finishes forbidden pepperoni ( yes, PORK ) pizza slice** So, I"ll have to take the stairs at the metro to get my car, and do 100 crunches when I get home, and probably skip dinner..

but it was gooood.

Death to the TOW company, and other news

Yes, i know its been a few days and yes i have news. *wonders where i left off...* Ummm yea...ok today was not the greatest day because of what happened this morning on my way to work. Picture a tiny woman struggling with an enormous carseat w/ sleeping baby, and 3 bags. She walks out to the parking lot, finally, and suddenly -drops her bags and almost the baby, screaming the *fuck* word. My car was effin towed from my own effin parking space, that I effin pay for every effin month in Hoa fees. The cot damn tow man was horrible, and my car was just a short ride away in, oh... Ethiopa!!!! Odenton MD is NOT close, FYI. So im just ass out, 250 dollars, because my neighborhood got a new towing company that sucks ballocks.


In other news... So I am a member of a freelance writer's promotional website right? Ok so I am browsing thru the "success stories" of writers who have made it big using this website. Just as I'm about to pout and say "So what!! Im good too" and start feeling hopeless, I got this idea...I contacted one of them, you know, the success story people: get this, she responded! Shes an EDITOR of her own e-zine! And suggested *maaaaybeee* I could pitch her on an article about the trials and tribs with going freelancer from the office. Sooooooooo thats what Ive been buried in this week!!Woot! Thank you Jesus! *walks off snappin and singing: Somebody praaaayed for me...!*


PS. Weight challenge Update: (Im in the 'biggest loser' at my job) I've lost 6 lbs so far!!! It shows, oh Im so cute!! I look normal! Im not sucking it in, hiding it with my jacket, camoflauging with bulky shirts... Naaadaaaa!! Im skinny Im skinny Im skinny!!!!!!! Lol ok, not skinny. Dont really wanna be that. But my clothes FIT!! Loosely! And NO one asked me if i was pregnant!!!! And to me, thats worth a shimmy or two. ;)