Just thinking about the news today, the different columns about Obama, the whispered undertones of white fear (and guilt) and mild to moderate racism... caused me to look on the Internet at some of the things Black people have come through - just to get here! Here in our continued struggle for equality. Here where we "technically" have all the same opportunities as whites, "technically" have no reason to believe in racism, since its virtually illegal... Here. In 2008. Where someone making a point in calling one of us finally "articulate" causes us to buck back in outrage at the insinuation that this negro intelligence is something strange.
I visited a website called "Without Sanctuary". This website, in few words, is a careful and dare I say, tasteful display of lynching photos. Its sincere purpose is to display this documented history. To show the indifference of our white brethren, of how cruel and animalistic they were - at the beginning of this century. What I took from this site, was not a hatred for whites. I didn't think, damn I cant wait to get on the metro and push some 'white devils'! No. I felt, looking down at my own hands, my own skin - I felt fear and hopelessness. My skin is the same as the skin on those that were burned alive, hung until dead, decapitated, and wrongly - brutally killed, mostly for the color of our skin. The brown is the same.
I always pictured slaves and "Negroes" as being extremely dark and "wild" looking. You know, like the pictures in the history books, those 2 whole pages in elementary school, that the teacher always made us black children read - as if some sense of pride would come from seeing these poor hopeless looking people and reading about their plight against white barbarianism. (At least it didn't make ME proud.) But looking at these pictures, there were people that were MY mix of cinnamon brown too. MY cherished, lotioned, pampered shade of auburn was right there. Hanging from a tree. Burned alive. Covered in lacerations. And I felt fear. My sons are brown like me. I have taught them to love and celebrate this God given shade of skin, and been taught by my elders to be "thankful I'm the brown I am, and not darker. Be happy you got good hair. We got Indian in our family, Chile. Our roots are Dominican!". ( Like Africans didn't migrate to the Dominican republic and Haiti. ) We all know now to ignore, or at least our generation is careful not to notice out loud, this light-skin/dark skin stigma black folks have, but, lest I be charged with hangups about skin color, I'll move on. Let me just say, I was raised to be proud of the color I am, the texture of my hair - but not in the "good way". I know better now - but I was raised to feel lucky I was black - but not African.
Moving on, tearing my eyes away from the site - before I find some horrible pictures of children hanging from a tree and lose my mind with tears and heartache - I think to myself, what were those people feeling then? How impossible did equality - even if only a little!! - sound to them? And coming into the now!! Now, where we hold our heads high, sing the national anthem at the ball games in our signature gospel way, wear designer shoes and work in offices alongside our former oppressors... what is next for the black people? Obama promises change. A black president of the same nation that raped and killed black people. But I'm talking about 50, 70, 100 years from now. What is next?
Will there still be "closet racism"? Will there still be silent baggage from our violent pasts? Will we still be calling each other "so black you're blue" and "nigga this and nigga that"? Will we still be speaking Ebonics and perming our curls? Will our men still be sagging their pants and still be stereotyped to be hopeless - cursing and drugging and poor and jailed? What will we be like?? What will we LOOK like? Who will we be then?? What will the history of the "negro" of 2008 be like to the "Future Us"? Will they finally have found REAL black pride? Will they look in despair at history books of US - like we do of the negro from 1900?
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