Waning Libido

I'm setting goals. I am. I'm just not keeping them. I have a goal right now, to write two articles by the week's end. Will I do it? 90% chance I'll be too tired, or feeling too bad ( sinuses, finger pain, the usual suspects). Makes me wonder if I shouldnt just grit my teeth and bear the pain and write through it. If I'm gonna die, at least I will have written something! You have no idea how much the articles I've published so far mean to me BECAUSE of the feelings I have (Regularly) about my mortality and the sneaking suspicion that I dont have all 100 years here, you know? I've always "known" I'd die around 70 or 80... but now I'm just afraid of accidentally kicking the bucket. Like of some injury, attack or sickness. Anyway...

I hear Keithy ( Keith Oberman) is on downstairs. And he wonders why we arent "spending time together lately: It's the damn tv. Between the video games, the tv shows, and him taking 30 years every night to clean the damn kitchen, we just dont have enough time together lately. But that's not what MY Libido is losing its mojo for... at least not yet.

My thirst for writing is waning. I'm becoming less hopeful and more wishful. I just wanna be a professional writer dammit!! But I wont DO what it takes!! I dont write often enough, and when I do its stuff that I cant use! And so it sits. I get excited about a story, spend a week, two weeks tops really dedicating my life to it, and then, poof. A day goes by where I dont touch it, then a week, then 3 months. But I'm hard on myself too. I just hope I'm hard enough to push me into being what I want more than anything to be. You get just one life, just one chance to be the person you are... and I just pray I dont waste it, thinking back to now when ALL I HAD TO DO WAS WRITE!!!