Today was a really, reaaaally good day. I did so much, so many things that seem like only a day ago I was terrified, anxious, and plain old making excuses about. I was normal today. A normal, working, single mom. I felt real feelings without being afraid to feel. I let myself live. I was a little upset about something I cannot control, but I let it ride. I didnt wallow in it or beg for attention. I let it go and did ME today. I wish I could put into words the pain my face is in right now from cheesing so hard. I went to work, I loved the newness and gravity of the job. My new title, my new persona. All the *new* I could stand! Like a buffet full of what I'm doing NEXT! UGH out of this 2 year rut! For a whole day, I stepped out of being a widow, being a cynical serial dater, being a reluctant single mother, and into "normal"... lol New clothes, new shoes, needing this and that.. and bills to be paid off, worries erased... certifications, oppurtunities...YES!! I came home, and I paused briefly. Oh I was tempted to tarnish the day with that old worrying wart again.. but I kept going. No pit ( or pity!) stops. I picked up my babies early! Dinner was done from the night before, and after they got bed-ready.. I played. No.. really. I PLAYED!! With my babies!!! And they laughed and giggled and we danced and my heart didnt break! I didnt avoid my babies' faces, hiding tears, missing him... I let go and I played. I wasnt tired, and I wasnt cranky. Oh God... it was a gooood thing. Best day in a loooong time. Faith recharged. I feel revived! I painted my toes. I meditated and did some yoga. Pulled a muscle in my chest - but didnt panic. It went away easily.
Oh today.. I'm gonna stop rambling now, but.. If you've ever been stuck in a place.. and finally come out, or at least gotten to steal a glance at sunshine... to know its there and its possible is enough. Its a miracle. Its my faith in living life- restored. I'm so motivated to keep having these days! And the bad days cant be so bad anymore, because I know days like this exist! I swear If I couldve spun around in the street today, gazed off into the far off distance and flung my hat into the air... Just go ahead and sing the Mary Tyler Moore song. I AM gonna make it after all. Dangit. <3
3 comments:
I absolutely LOVE this! Not everyday is gonna be perfect but its all about how u deal with those imperfections. I'm so proud of you.
Probably my absolute fav blog of yours.. So happy for you. If anyone deserves it, it's you. Sorry it's taken me so long to read it. Can't lie, in the hustle in bustle of mommyness, I honestly just forgot. Til now. So glad I remembered and even gladder (?) with what I read. Love You. Chevs
:)
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